The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
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raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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