That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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