Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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