I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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