Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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