i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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