i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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