Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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