can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need to calm my uterus...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize