Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My pussy is not your playground.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize