Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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