i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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