Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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