I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize