i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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