Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
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Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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And then my night got REAL pukey
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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