I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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