The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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