this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
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I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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