it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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