did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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