At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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