It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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