her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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