Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
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