I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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