Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We have started to decorate penises.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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