The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize