what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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