I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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