kristin has been a bad kristin
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
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Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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