Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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