Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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