You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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