Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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