Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
