Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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