drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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