I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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