I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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