Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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