hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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