my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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