So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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