The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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