I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize