we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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