Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize