Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize