I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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