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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize